An Ill Admiral's Woes
by movingforwardtogreaterthings
Summary: Admiral is sick and his ships want to help him recover quickly. Poseidon have mercy on them all. Oneshot. No specific pairing. Featuring Takao, Atago, Yamato, Kongou, Nagato, Mutsu, Umikaze, and of course Admiral.
Before I get into the story, I want to explain something. This is the only story that will ever be posted on this account, which I will abandon immediately after posting this. There will be no additional chapters, sequels, prequels, or epilogue. The reason for this is because this story is a sort of personal closure for me as I swear off all anime and manga (with the exceptions of Pokémon, RWBY, Avatar, and possibly Attack on Titan) and all types of pornography. I am at a stage in life where I have realized that in less than five years I could be a father raising a family. I've come to the realization that kancolle, arpeggio of blue steel, Fairy Tale, etc. and most other animes and mangas have no place in that and that it needs to stop now. It might not make much sense to you, the readers, how writing about it will help me leave this behind, but respectfully, I'm the only one that it needs to make sense to.

I will however see any reviews or PMs through my email if you have anything to say to me but I won't have a way to respond.

So here it is, my _coup de grace_ as far as the world of Japanese animation.

* * *

Admiral Not-Appearing-In-This-Fanfic was a busy man in the beginning of the war against the Abyssals. As the war advanced and his fleet expanded, he became an even busier man and had less and less time available for his duties. It came to the point where he could no longer excuse his neglect toward his ships and appointed several Vice Admirals to give his ships the direct attention he could no longer provide by himself. The first Vice Admiral was in charge of the destroyers, torpedo cruisers, and scout cruisers, such as the Kageros, Fubukis, and Tenryuus. The second Vice Admiral cared for all Aircraft Carriers and AA designated support ships including the Shoukaku sisters, Abukuma, Akagi and Kaga. The third Vice Admiral was responsible for the less common ships such as submarines, seaplane and submarine tenders, and supply ships like the I- sisters, Chitose, and Taigei. The last Vice Admiral, and the subject of this story, commanded the battleships, battlecruisers, and heavy cruisers of the High Admiral's fleet.

Vice admiral was a patient, deliberate and thoughtful man, all important traits for a leader of battleships. Under his stewardship were Yamato, Nagato and her sister Mutsu, Takao and her sister Atago, and Kongou. Also under his leadership were the two Tone, four Myoko, and two Mogami heavy cruisers, Musashi, and the remaining three Kongou sisters, but they were all currently deployed in various sorties. For the day, he also was in charge of the destroyer Umikaze because her Vice Admiral and the High Admiral were currently on a mission with her peers. Vice Admiral didn't mind her though; she was kind and unobtrusive, unlike that Shimakaze girl. He swore that Shimakaze must be responsible for every gray hair on her Vice Admiral's head.

It was a beautiful day at the naval base and the seas were calm and pleasant, but none of the resident heavy cruisers and battleships under the Vice Admiral's care were outside. Instead, they were all gathered around the very, very sick Admiral's bed.

Takao, the Vice Admiral's secretary was currently monitoring a thermometer between his lips. She winced as she looked at the number on the display.

"His temperature is almost 40 degrees, an awful fever." She diagnosed.

A collective aura of worry pressed down on the room. Admiral squirmed under his covers unable to get comfortable.

"I'll be okay." He said, his voice slightly altered by his sore throat. "I just need to sleep."

"Sleep alone won't be enough." Nagato stated from her spot sitting on the open window sill. She was in a bad mood for several reasons including not knowing what to do to help the Vice Admiral and the High Admiral leaving her at port.

"But what else can we do?" Atago pouted, "We already gave him any medicine that would help."

"And we gave him extra blankets." Mutsu added, rehydrating a rag in a basin of cool water before replacing it on the Admiral's forehead.

Vice admiral smiled laboriously "You have all been so much help already. I don't need anything else right now." He said, giving a weak cough.

An unsatisfied silence descended on the room for a few moments before a muffled growl came from under the layers of blankets. Suddenly a hopeful sparkle entered the eyes of the girls.

"Admiral, you haven't eaten since breakfast, have you?" Yamato asked glancing at the clock. "It's almost lunch time, why don't we make you something?"

"Nice idea!" Kongou cheered in her patented Engrish. "I'll make the tea, Umikaze can make the biscuits, and you can make the curry!"

Yamato and Umikaze both looked slightly alarmed at the combination of foods.

"Biscuits?" Umikaze wondered out loud, "Is that a kind of bisque?"

"I'll help!" Atago raised her hand happily, "I've had bis-kits before, I think I can make them!"

Mutsu leaned over to Yamato discreetly. "Do you want help with the curry?" She asked, "He will need something safe to eat."

Yamato hid her laugh behind a hand and nodded gratefully. The three battleships, heavy cruiser and destroyer all exited the Vice Admiral's quarters and clamored down the hall toward the communal kitchen. Nagato seemed unsure of where to go and defaulted to remaining on standby with her hair blowing lightly in the first-story window's breeze. She was a great cook, of course, but the others seemed to have it handled and didn't need her help.

Takao turned to her admiral as their chatter faded away into the faint sound of pots and pans being rearranged down the hall. "You should get some rest now Admiral. Nagato and I will be quiet so you can sleep." She said, pulling up a chair and sitting down with her clipboard to fulfil some of her sub-secretary duties.

"Thanks." Admiral said. "I always knew your sister was a little boisterous, but when sound hurts my head I realize just how loud she can be." He said with a fond, but rueful smile.

Takao laughed softly with a knowing smile and motioned for him to go to sleep. It seemed he had barely closed his heavy eyelids when he was interrupted by a loud shout.

"BUUUURNING LO-KYAAAAAAA!" Kongou interrupted her own trademark phrase with a cry of alarm and what sounded like a small explosion. Admiral sat bolt upright in his bed, reeling with dizziness as several more shouts and yelps traveled down the hall. He stumbled drunkenly toward his door as Takao and Nagato scrambled to their feet as well. He never got to the door as it slammed open and a terrified Mutsu plowed straight past him and latched onto her sister's legs, forcing her to retreat back to the window sill for balance.

"Mutsu?!" Nagato asked, seeing her sister looking like she was having a PTSD flashback. "What happened to you?" She demanded.

"F-F-F-F-F-" She cried, pointing at the door from behind Nagato's legs, "FIRE!" She shrieked as Kongou ran screaming down the hall past the Admiral's quarters with both of her sleeves and her ahoge on fire. Hot on her rudders ran Atago and Umikaze carrying a pot of water and a fire extinguisher respectively.

His face stricken with horror, Admiral sprinted haphazardly after them, Takao right behind him. As they watched the chase ahead of them, Kongou came to the X intersection of the geometric figure-8 shaped hallway, running straight through in a blind panic. Just as she passed, Yamato emerged from the side hallway, apparently having tried to cut her off but not being fast enough. Unfortunately, Yamato turned her head to follow Kongou and didn't see Atago coming. Atago yelped and lunged sideways but still clipped Yamato's hip causing the heavy cruiser to trip, dumping the contents of her pot all over herself. Yamato gasped in horror and balked.

Umikaze however, bless her, had been looking down trying to figure out how to operate her fire extinguisher and had been following Atago's footsteps in faith. With an almighty clang, the poor destroyer clotheslined herself on the side of Yamato's armored chest and went down hard. Her eyes rolled in her head for a moment before she fell unconscious. The poor girl never had a chance.

Vice Admiral skidded on his knees to Umikaze's side, checking her for a concussion as Takao checked on her sister.

"Is she okay?" Yamato pleaded, horrified at what she had done.

"She's okay." Admiral breathed in relief. "Stay here and-" He paused as he got a good look at Yamato. She looked like a flocked Christmas tree. "And… Take care of her." He finished distractedly, picking up the fire extinguisher and removing the safety pin.

"Takao!" He called, turning down the fourth hallway. Kongou would be coming that way if she was running wherever the halls took her in an adrenaline-fuled panic like he thought she was.

"Coming!" She replied, standing up and running down the hall with him.

They had been running for not even a minute when they heard Kongou's approaching voice shouting colorfully in her native language. The battle cruiser rounded the corner ahead of them and Takao heroically lunged in front of Admiral like a defensive lineman protecting their quarterback.

Kongou slammed into Takao -Who did a remarkable job of stopping a ship weighing twenty thousand tons more than her- taking them both down and sending them skidding across the floor right up to Admiral's feet.

'FFFFFFFFFT! FFFT-FFFFFFFT! FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!'

The fire extinguisher blasted straight down onto both battle cruiser and heavy cruiser, putting out the fire finally.

Takao cautiously opened her eyes, skin-color lines standing out on her now abyssal-white face from squeezing her eyes shut.

"Is the fire out?" She asked, still restraining a slowly calming Kongou.

"Yes." Admiral panted exhaustedly, tossing the extinguisher aside as his illness catching up to him.

He lifted Kongou off his secretary and rubbed her back soothingly as she slowly stopped hyperventilating. Takao picked herself up and dusted herself off.

"Where's my beret?" She asked, looking around for her misplaced hat.

"Umm… Oh! Here it is." Admiral said, plucking it off Kongou's radar headpiece. He dusted it off and handed it to Takao who thanked him and put it back on.

A soft sniffle brought his attention back to the battlecruiser in his arms. "Kongou?" Admiral asked gently. "Are you okay now?"

A nod against his shoulder.

"Are you ready to go back to the others?" He asked.

A long pause.

"… Okay." Kongou replied meekly, taking a steadying breath.

They stood together and the Admiral, heavy cruiser, and battlecruiser all returned to the X intersection where all the ships were gathered.

Umikaze's head was resting on Yamato's lap as she fanned the smaller girl's face, Atago was wringing the water out of her beret, and Mutsu was visibly shaking. Takao stepped up to her sister and got her hands wet on her golden hair before using the water to scrub her face partially clean. Kongou approached Mutsu and bowed her head as she apologized for triggering her. Admiral knelt down next to Yamato and checked on Umikaze again. The poor girl had a goose egg bruise developing on her forehead, but her eyes were twitching under her eyelids as she slowly returned to consciousness.

"I didn't mean to hurt her." Yamato mourned worriedly.

"You couldn't help it." Admiral consoled her. "So what happened in there?" He asked.

"Kongou said that scorching the tea leaves first would add flavor, but she used too much alcohol when she tried to flambe them. It just exploded." Yamato replied.

That certainly sounded like Kongou. "So then why are you white?" Admiral asked.

"Mutsu knocked a shelf down and a package dumped its contents on me." Yamato replied, combing her fingers through her ponytail, dreading the process of removing it.

Admiral sighed and looked at his shambling force of armored ships. They were an absolute mess, all of them. They would all have to-

Wait, where was Nagato?

Voicing his concern to his ships, they all looked at each other in confusion, realizing her absence.

Admiral frowned and thought back to when he last saw her. She was in his quarters with Mutsu –who was now here- wrapped around her legs, she had grabbed the window edge for balance, the window was open…

Admiral's eyes widened in alarm and he rushed back to his quarters followed by his ships and stuck his head out the open first-floor window.

"Nagato! Are you okay?" The battleship below him had accidentally been thrown out the window by her sister and had fallen into a tall shrub below. She had fallen in such a way that her thighs were pinned to her torso and she couldn't reach any branches thick enough to shift herself with.

"Admiral!" She cried happily despite an embarrassed pink coloring her cheeks. "I'm okay." She replied.

"… Are you stuck?" He asked uncertainly. The deepening red in her cheeks was all the answer he needed.

"Grab my shirt." He said over his shoulder and felt several hands grip the cloth as he leaned out the window.

Nagato reached up and clasped hands with him and slowly they got her to climb up him and get her arms around his neck. Admiral reached down and got an arm under her knees and lifted her bridal style back through the window. As he was lifting the battleship his sickness hit him full force and his knees began to give out. He barely managed to maneuver them so he fell back on his bed with Nagato sprawled across him.

She scrambled up and thanked him, shooting her sister a dirty look. Vice Admiral sat up and scanned his assembled ships scattered around his quarters.

"So let me recap." He sighed. "Umikaze is knocked out cold, Atago is soaking wet, Takao is covered in fire extinguisher stuff, Kongou is covered in fire extinguisher stuff _and_ still smoking a little, Mutsu is traumatized, Nagato got thrown out a window and has leaves in her hair, and Yamato is covered in flour?"

"Powdered sugar actually." Atago corrected, swiping a sample from Yamato's shoulder with her finger.

"My mistake." Admiral conceded. "Umikaze is knocked out cold, Atago is soaking wet, Takao is covered in fire extinguisher stuff, Kongou is covered in fire extinguisher stuff _and_ still smoking a little, Mutsu is traumatized, Nagato got thrown out a window and has leaves in her hair, and Yamato is covered in _powdered sugar_?"

"It seems to be so Admiral." Takao replied.

"And that all happened in under two minutes?" Admiral asked before going into a coughing fit.

"It felt longer than that…" Kongou commented.

The Vice Admiral looked at his assembled fleet tiredly. "Company dismissed. Report to the docks if you need repairs, and get Umikaze some ice and smelling salts."

All conscious ships saluted and obediently exited the Vice Admiral's quarters, Yamato carrying Umikaze.

Admiral groaned, feeling miserably ill, and laid back on his bed pulling the covers over his head. He could at least sleep in peace.

Although, Vice Admiral couldn't help but feel like he had forgotten something…

"Takao!" He shouted urgently.

Takao's rapid footsteps approached before she appeared in the doorframe. "Yes, Admiral?"

"Check the stove! Make sure nothing is burn-"

 _BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP_

The smoke alarm went off as the sprinkler system activated, soaking the Vice Admiral, his sheets, his mattress, and his protesting ships indiscriminately.

Admiral and Takao stared at each other despondently. "Oh, Admiral…" Takao breathed, a look of apology and strong empathy in her eyes.

He didn't even get any lunch.

* * *

Good bye Kongou, I will miss you the most of all.


End file.
